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How to Talk to teen girls

Updated: Jun 5, 2023

"How to Crack the Enigma Code of Teen Girls: A Parent’s Guide"


Parenting a tween or teen girl feels a lot like wrestling an octopus in a phone booth. It's challenging, confusing, and sometimes a bit sticky. Understanding and communication are key. If you use them, your transition from wrestling coach to best buddy will be effortless.


I'm not a psychologist. However, it is obvious that good communication has numerous benefits.

These benefits outweigh those of a fancy coffee loyalty card. Not only does it build trust, respect, and self-confidence, but it's also a secret weapon for preventing mental health issues. So, buckle up as we share some mistakes to avoid and tips to ace the communication game.

Teenage girl with green shirt and red girl - green background

First up, "Body Language 101."

Remember that awkward chat when you had a staring competition with your shoelaces?

Maintaining eye contact and using open gestures while talking will help you appear more friendly and engaging. This will make people less likely to think of you as a robot. Think about your body language as your secret dialogue. It might take some practice, but you'll soon be a natural.


What are open gestures?

Open gestures are an important part of non-verbal communication, signalling openness, friendliness, and willingness to engage in a conversation. When talking to teens, they can help create a more relaxed and receptive environment. Here's how you can use open gestures effectively:

  1. Open Palms: Showing your palms often communicates honesty and openness. It's a universal sign that you're not holding anything back.

  2. Uncrossed Arms: Crossing your arms can sometimes indicate that you're closed off or defensive. To demonstrate your openness, keep your arms at your side or use them naturally to express yourself.

  3. Nods and Smiles: Nodding while your teen is speaking shows you're actively listening and understanding what they're saying. A genuine smile can also communicate warmth and openness, making the teen feel more comfortable.

  4. Lean In: Leaning in slightly while your teen is talking shows interest and engagement. Just be careful not to invade their personal space.

  5. Mirroring: This means subtly matching your teen's body language. This can make them feel more understood and comfortable. It's important, however, to keep it natural and not mimic every move they make.

Remember, while open gestures can be beneficial, the most important thing is to be authentic and genuinely engaged in the conversation. Teens are savvy and can pick up on insincerity. It's not just about going through the motions, but about creating an atmosphere of trust and openness.

Next, "Question Time."

It can be tempting to interrogate your teen. However, remember to give them space to answer and voice their opinions. Allow them to express themselves freely.

Instead of "20 questions," think "lazy Sunday afternoon chat." Remember, you're not Sherlock Holmes, and they're not a witness. Who knows, they might drop some mind-blowing teenage wisdom that'll make you go "Whaaat?"

Thirdly, "Respect the Boundary Lines."

As a parent, it's like walking a tightrope between caring and overstepping. When you are about to cannonball into their personal space, just hit pause, take a deep breath, and steer the convo back to the Respectville. Your relationship will thank you and your "Parent of the Year award" will stay safe.

Tip number four "Be the Wind Beneath Their Wings."

Speaking to teens is like walking on a LEGO barefoot if you're not careful. Don’t just dictate, encourage. Help them make their own decisions.

Sprinkle in some humour and see their confidence bloom. Remember, teenage years aren't just about pimples and heartbreaks. It's a time to guide them while keeping the vibe light and fun.

Talking to teens about serious topics can be a delicate balance. Make sure your conversation partner takes the topic seriously. A light and humorous atmosphere can help to reduce any tension. This will make the discussion easier.

Here are a few tips on how to keep the conversation light-hearted yet meaningful:

  1. Start with a joke or funny anecdote: This can break the ice and set a light-hearted tone for the conversation. Just ensure that the humour is appropriate and doesn't trivialize the serious topic you're about to discuss.

  2. Use analogies or metaphors: By relating serious issues to something more familiar or funny, you can make the topic more approachable. For instance, explaining safe internet practices could be compared to wearing a helmet while biking.

  3. Speak their language: Use words, phrases, or references that are relevant to their world. You may use some current teen slang in a playful manner. This will show that you are aware of the latest trends. You can also reference a meme or pop culture moment that they would understand and find humorous.

  4. Keep your tone casual: While the topic is serious, your tone doesn't have to be stern or overly formal. By keeping your tone friendly and casual, you'll create an environment that feels safe for open discussion.

  5. Show empathy with humour: Acknowledge that the topic might be awkward or embarrassing, and use humour to ease into it. By laughing at the situation (and even yourself), you show understanding and can help make them feel more comfortable.

  6. Allow for laughter: If something funny comes up naturally in the conversation, allow space for a laugh. It's okay to have fun even when discussing serious topics.

Remember, the goal is to have an open and meaningful conversation, not to turn it into a comedy session. Be aware of your teen's reactions and adjust your approach as needed. If they seem uncomfortable with the humour, reel it back.

Humour can be an effective tool in conversation. It should not, however, be used to diminish the importance of the topic.


The fifth pointer is the "Art of Listening."

Focus on understanding their words rather than rehearsing your next TED talk. This can be your superhero power to avoid cringy moments and make your teen feel heard and validated. Plus, you might learn some cool new lingo!

How to actively listen.

Active listening is a communication skill. It requires more than just hearing the words spoken. It also involves understanding and interpreting the entire message. It's about fully engaging in the conversation and showing empathy to the speaker.

Here's how to practice active listening:

1. **Pay Full Attention**:

Put away distractions like your phone or laptop, make eye contact, and focus on the speaker. Show them that you're fully engaged and interested in what they're saying.


2. **Don't Interrupt**:

Allow the speaker to finish their thoughts before responding. Avoid jumping in with your own comments or advice unless they're seeking it. Interrupting can make the speaker feel unheard or undervalued.

3. **Non-Verbal Cues**:

Non-verbal cues can demonstrate that you are listening. This can include nodding your head, maintaining eye contact, leaning slightly towards the speaker, and reacting to what they are saying.

4. **Reflect and Summarize**:

Paraphrase what you've understood or ask clarifying questions to ensure you've got the message right. "So what you're saying is..." This is an example of active listening. It shows you are trying to understand the other person's perspective.

5. **Show Empathy**:

Show you understand and care about their feelings. You might say something like, "That sounds really tough, I can see why you'd be upset."

6. **Ask Open-Ended Questions**:

Instead of yes/no questions, ask open-ended ones that prompt them to share more about their thoughts and feelings. For example, "How did that make you feel?" or "What do you think you'll do?"

7. **Give Feedback**:

Provide feedback without being judgmental or giving unsolicited advice. The aim is to understand, not to solve their problem unless they're asking for solutions.

Practise active listening to foster more meaningful and effective communication. This will show the speaker that you value their thoughts and feelings.

Lastly, "Humor: A Double-Edged Sword."

A well-timed joke can be the magic wand for difficult conversations. But don't transform into a stand-up comedian every time things get awkward. Sensitive topics need to be handled with sensitivity, not a punch line.


So there you have it! Master these and you'll be cracking the teen code in no time.

  • Pay attention to body language.

  • Ask thoughtful questions.

  • Respect boundaries.

  • Encourage and advise.

  • Listen more than you talk.

  • Crack a joke if it feels right.

And if this all feels as challenging as a jigsaw puzzle in a hurricane, don't worry, we've got your back. Order one of our ready-made boxes full of conversation starters for teens and their parents. Turn those awkward chats into meaningful talks with a simple, 'Pick a card...any card!' and voila - conversation magic!



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